What’s your greatest fear? That one thing you’d rather not even think about? That thing that makes your palms sweat?
For me I’d have to say that the fear of rejection, of not being enough, is totally up there…right along with cockroaches and mice. Both make my skin crawl.
As I start to unpack this fear, I have so many questions. Why do I feel this way? Where did this fear come from?
I grew up in a very healthy family with two parents who loved (and still love) my brother and I unconditionally. Our performance didn’t matter to them…but I can see now that it TOTALLY did to me.
You see, the more I performed, the more I was recognized. And the more I was recognized, the more worth I felt. It became a cycle and breeding ground for pride. It left me always striving for more and nothing less than the best.
That is until my best wasn’t good enough, at least by cheer standards 🤣.
Oh the tragic day that I didn’t make the Varsity cheer squad my senior year of high school. Boy was that a tough pill to swallow, but as everyone reminded me….adversity builds character. Who wants to build character their final year of high school?
While that disappointment was pretty trivial, more serious adversity would later follow. Fast forward to optometry school when I lived through a time of unexpected medical crisis. The result? God showed me Christ through the hands and feet of those who surrounded me and walked with me daily toward restoration. He took me from a place of utter brokenness and showed me a promised life of BEAUTY in complete dependence on Him. (This is an ongoing life lesson for me.)
However, through the healing process, I began to try and put up walls to prove to myself that I was strong enough. But God began showing me that I would never be strong enough by myself…no matter how much effort I put in trying! Instead, He showed me that if I put my faith in Him, He would heal my brokenness. As a matter of fact, He’s calling all of us out of our brokenness into a fulfilled life with Him!
“The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.”
~Psalm 118:14
And then….
God sent Philip. My “fortress” as he loves to refer to himself. He protects me. He loves me. All of me. And he does it so well.
I had always preferred to be the one to give strength to others, but this season of my life God knew I needed some strength infused into my own life. God saved me and gave me new life, and then He made sure I’d be well taken care of here on Earth. What a gift!
So my fear of not being enough…is it still there? Unfortunately, it still creeps up at times…BUT God continues to remind me that all I need is Him. I am complete IN HIM. No matter what my circumstances bring, He will never leave me nor forsake me. There will be no question of my worth from Him. Ever.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”
~Deuteronomy 31:6
I am enough in Him. No performance required, just a simple yes I believe. My question is do you?
Ashley
“This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”
~Psalm 118:24
Come To the Table Ministry 