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My Top 3 Mama Fails

Thinking I can do it all

I think I went into parenthood thinking I’ve got this. How hard can it be, right? I mean, those little babies just lie around and coo for months, so that totally gives me sufficient time to adjust and figure this mama thing out! Until they don’t. And it’s not even 1 hour in and I’m completely overwhelmed.

Now it’s almost 10 years in, with three kiddos, and I’m still overwhelmed! However, I am beginning to understand that I don’t need to be everything for my kids. Can we stop right there? We DO NOT have to be everything for our kids.

Having a village to care for my tribe is beyond a blessing. If you are part of our village, then I say a BIG thank you. ❤️ My kids know that there are so many people in their lives that love them. I no longer have to feel guilty for missing a game or not making a practice because there are others present to cheer them on. I’m not failing but am instilling in them that they are loved and important even when we are apart. I’m hoping they can carry this with them beyond their lives at home.

(Photo credit: James Besser on Unsplash)

I also need to give my husband a shout out for this one because he’s a better “wife” than I am! Because we aren’t always traditional in our household “roles,” we can appreciate that we are better together!

“I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” ~Philippians 4:13

Comparing myself to other mamas

Am I enough? Have you ever asked yourself this question? Like every day! I’m not sure why I put so much pressure on myself to be enough, but if I’m honest with myself, I think it’s because I had such a nourishing upbringing. I lived in a loving and supporting home that gave me the opportunity to be who I am today. I so desperately want this for my kids. You may be on the opposite end of the spectrum wondering if you are enough because you want so desperately to create an environment so different from your own childhood. I think we can all admit to wondering if we are enough.

(Photo credit: NordWood Themes on Unsplash)

The constant comparison to other mamas isn’t helping either. If you are struggling with comparison, maybe think about signing off of social media for awhile? It’s nowhere near real life. For instance, I may be posting picture attempt #54 after Little Bit stuck her tongue out, her brother hit her, and older sister cried her eyes out for getting her feelings hurt. But #54…that was the perfect shot (after editing of course) and after which they saw fierce mama bear come out. But that FaceBook post is all smiles and sunshine, right?

And y’all, with my first child I tried to keep up with snack time assignments. On my special Thanksgiving snack day I skillfully created a turkey pumpkin with healthy fruit kabob feathers. Man was it impressive. Now? I’m lucky with #3 if I get Cheez-Its to class on time. If you find joy in creating food masterpieces, keep it up! The kids love it. On the other hand, if it summons the beast in you, just throw some crackers in a bag and call it a day. Comparison is killing our souls.

And let me be real. We are NOT enough. Yes, you read that correctly. And we aren’t even close. We cannot provide our family with what they need because they need WAY more than you and I can give. They need Him. Only God can provide what your little (or big) kids need. So breathe a sigh of relief. The pressure is off…sort of. We still have to raise them to know Christ, to develop a relationship with Him. We will inevitably fail our kids, but He never will.

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Worrying about what tomorrow brings

Is worry stealing your joy? My oldest is about to turn 10 in a few weeks, and this is hitting me at the core for some reason. She will have spent over half of her time at home with us. Time will continue to go quickly, and as everyone always says….don’t blink! Here comes that pressure again. Pressure to make every second count when some of those seconds are downright overwhelming. Some of those seconds I wish would pass by more quickly….but do I? Just because parenthood is tough doesn’t mean it’s not worth the ride, the smooth AND the bumpy. It is!

(Photo credit: Anh Nguyen on Unsplash)

But worrying will not change anything, nor will it help anyone (preaching to the choir). So what’s the antidote? Trust. Trust that God is in control. Trust that God has equipped you specifically for your family. Trust that He has put people in your life for your personal journey. Most of all? Trust that He loves you, has a plan for your life, and has gone before you to prepare that path. Now that’s comforting, right? So why don’t we start trusting this truth together?

“The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” ~Deuteronomy 31:8

The three failures of my life are not failures at all but rather FEARS. This year I hope to give my fears to God so that I can truly see life through His lenses. I pray my anxiety and resulting anger would have no power over me but that I start to realize I am enough IN Him, that I can support others without comparing, and that I will enjoy today and leave worry behind.

In Him,

Ashley

“This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” ~ Psalm 118:24

Where do I fit in?

This is a question that I’m sure we’ve all asked ourselves numerous times before and will continue to do so forevermore. Community and a sense of belonging is at the core of who we are and who we were created to be. But let me be quite frank, I am at a point in my life where I have never been more confused as to where I fit in, while at the same time never more secure in my own identity. Confusing right? I know who I am and am confident in Whose I am…so why do I feel so alone? Anyone with me? Anyone?

In the times in which we live, people are quick to give opinions, react with words, spread hate, and all while hiding behind a screen. On the other end of the spectrum, others are so afraid to offend anyone that I feel like accountability is a lost art. Both are scary places in which to be.

So as Christians, who are we called to be in a world FULL of chaos, opinions, worldly rules? We are called to be in community with one another. We are called to love one another. We are called to share His truth. Sounds easy, right? When you get down to the very heart of life, this can be VERY difficult. So difficult in fact that my heart has been broken, my emotions are on over-drive, my sense of belonging lost. His Truth, in my opinion, seems to be getting watered down at the risk of being divisive, or it’s being written off due to hate. Let’s not be fooled, though, because the Bible tells us that the Truth WILL be divisive. The very essence of following Christ will separate believers from non-believers, but with the Truth comes grace which is available to ALL. We are called to share this Truth in a loving, nurturing way to EVERYONE. Period. No exceptions. AND THEN we must hold each other accountable on our own journeys of faith. Sometimes the truth is hard to hear, but if we truly love one another the Truth is non-negotiable. What is this Truth? It’s God’s holy Word. It is Jesus.

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John 14:6

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

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Those that know me may be in shock to learn that lately I have felt disconnected and daresay lonely. How can you feel this you say? You are so busy and plugged in to so many things, and you go nonstop you say? As I truly examine my life, my struggle is in filling the void. The more I go, the less time I have to feel anxious. Being still is not a gift of mine, but one that God wants to give me so that I can be fulfilled in Him. Being overly-committed can be conducive to lots of superficial points of contact but takes away from the time I CRAVE for those deeper connections, the sense of community I long for, the desire to belong.

In this season that I find myself in, I am reminded that following God is not easy. In fact, He promises me that it will be downright difficult. The world will oppose me, and the harder I trust Him, the harder satan will work in my life and my circumstances.

Yes, I need a community in my life, but first I need to take care of my core…my family who so desperately needs me to show them Jesus and those trusted friends who know the depths of my soul and choose to never leave me…No. Matter. What. A childhood friend Kacey Van Norman reminded me of this in one of her podcasts. Go now. Look her up. You can thank me later.

Do you have these people in your life? If not, allow yourself to be open to developing these relationships. Let’s emphasize develop because these authentic and raw friendships do not happen overnight. Find these people or person and invest in them. Deeper connections will hold you accountable and give you a safe place to be vulnerable.

I am thankful for this “fasting” period of sorts. No, I am not fasting from food because that would be an unhealthy choice for me…but am fasting from some of my current commitments so that I can truly stop and discern God’s path for my family. I am trying to take my hurt and confusion and not react or become defensive but use this time to strengthen my relationship with Him and be in scripture. For this, friends, should be the place from where we start when it feels like the world around us is caving in. Start in scripture. Spend time with God and recognize His Spirit in your life. Don’t think you have a core? You do. His name is Jesus, and you most definitely fit in with Him.

Blessings,

Ashley

“This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

~Psalm 118:24

Awe & Wonder

Are you infatuated with famous people? Are you that fan girl or guy that does outlandish things to get as close you can to the superstar? Do you collect memorabilia or autographs?

I will admit that I get a little excited by star sightings or being in the presence of superstar greatness…not that I’ve had many opportunities in my lifetime. Because my third child has literally cost me my memory, I had to consult with my husband on such encounters. He asked me if I meant current/past famous people, or future famous people…because I’ve certainly met him (funny)!

Here is my list…guy from West Wing, Truett Cathy, Corey Smith, RC Slocum (beloved Aggie Coach), Philip Fulmer, Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel (almost). Certainly not an extensive list.

So where am I going with this? I started thinking about fame and greatness when watching The Voice (love this show!). The contestants have made it past The Blinds and are now working with legendary coaches in The Battles. As they walk in the studio room to work with their coaches, they are all in awe and wonder. They are so very grateful and appreciative to be in the presence of musical icons. This is what they’ve dreamed of…what they’ve worked SO hard for. All the sacrifices, all the time and money, their validation that their choices were all worth it are culminating together in this defining moment…this break-through opportunity on The Voice.

Sounds like pressure, right? SO. MUCH. PRESSURE. All of these people want to find their identity, to learn from these mentors who have made it, to impress their coaches, and to solidify their future for legendary greatness! You can be ANYTHING you want to be as long as you want it enough and put in the hard work! Can I get a high five?

NOT. SO. FAST. Let’s talk this through. First of all, why don’t I get so excited like this when I come into God’s Presence? Why can I not fully understand His Greatness, the opportunity to learn from Him, to ensure my future in Him, to find my identity in Him? No matter what great victory we achieve here on earth, no matter our status and no matter our prestige, we will never experience true fulfillment and joy without Him. Things of this world (even multi-platinum records) cannot fulfill our soul’s desires…but He can AND WILL! Money will not. Fame will not. And another person will not.

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Jesus tells us in John 15:10-11, “If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”
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Complete joy, perfect joy, cannot come from anything other than God. No matter what I am currently chasing that I believe will make my life “right” or “complete” or “fulfilled,” it will not give me the holy joy I so desperately crave.

Second of all, we are uniquely and purposefully created with individual gifts from God. So CAN we be anything we want to be? I’ll leave this for another day…

In Him,

Ashley

“This is the day the Lord hath made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.”

Best Decision: What’s yours?

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My husband, Philip, and I could not be more different in so many areas, but I know that’s why God brought us together…that, and I happened to pray for patience. 🤣

But I want to share the one thing that he tells me day in and day out. YOU are the BEST decision I have ever made. Just wow. To hear that from someone who knows your ugly, the deepest parts of your soul and still claims this…it’s humbling. Even after my worst of moments, he will turn to me and tell me that I am STILL the best decision he has ever made.

Now, I know what many may be thinking. That’s great for you, but I’m not in a committed, supportive relationship right now. I don’t have a spouse, friend, or anyone in my life who loves me unconditionally and walks alongside me in this journey called life.

I’m going to challenge you that yes, yes you do! His name is Jesus Christ. And He gave us the most precious gift of all by sacrificing His life for mine, for yours, for ALL!!! I recently came across this scripture that I want to share because the more it soaks in, the more overwhelming it becomes.

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Romans 8:11

And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies because of his Spirit who lives in you.

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Let’s sit with this a moment. The SAME Spirit that resurrected Christ is the SAME Spirit that lives in me, and in you, as long as we accept His gift. So, yes, you DO have someone that supports you, protects you, loves you unconditionally. You can feel secure in His promises knowing that you are NEVER alone.

I want to caution you because His Word reminds us that this kind of true fulfillment cannot come from earthly relationships or earthly things (note to self: no, Hulu is not a true source of fulfillment). Do you know how much pressure it is to be responsible for someone else’s joy and fulfillment? Are you looking for your identity in your friend tribes, status, wealth, employment? Are you thinking…once I get that promotion THEN I will be happy..or if only I can find that perfect spouse THEN I will be at peace…or how about, if only I can get this group to include me then I will finally have made it! At different points in our lives, we all face these struggles…and they are REAL!!! Satan will continue to try and turn our focus back to these worldly things. Don’t let him.

Turn to the One who CAN make you whole. Spend time in relationship with Him. Bring your fears, worries, and problems to Him. He can handle your brokenness.

And the best part? God chooses YOU, He wants YOU, He loves YOU!!

In Him,

Ashley

“This is the day the Lord hath made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.”

~Psalm 118:24

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